The Power to Act

After I moved to the out of town city Shatin, I guess I am quite bored. May be the bad mood is because of the bad weather in Hong Kong. It has been raining heavily all days. I feel like blaming people in my mind and easily get annoyed by my children. I ask myself what's happened to me?

I feel like quite disconnected from other people. I feel like not performing the best part of who I am. I feel like I can do better. I feel like I can try more possibilities. I feel like I can't control my life at all. I feel like letting the environment to take control of my life. I feel like I can't act with initiative. I feel like I want more from my life and I can contribute more and use more of my talent. There are two side of my minds: one side says,'Oh! you wait until your children goes to school then you can do more.' The other side of my mind says,'I can always find possibilities! There are always been ways.' The two sides of my voice keep fighting with each other.

Basically, sometimes, I let the fear to beat myself. I let the unnecessary doubt to beat myself not to act. I think being a mother, just like life after school, no one will tell you what to do anymore. There is no boss like your job. They will scold you if you are wrong. Oh, you will get bonus if you do extra good. No one is watching you. But being a good mother, you need a concrete and values-aligned compass for yourself to do your job. You have to be extremely proactive. You have to have stronger faith and belief in yourself. You have to have all the energy and perform physical strength to act so you won't loss in the forest. You have to be a leader.

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." by W. Somerset Maugham

I tell myself I am not satisfied with the status quo. I should challenge myself to do more and become more. I am happy that I have been doing pilates for last week. I have been calling people to show my care about them. Also, I start to keep things organised with a daily. Of course, most importantly, I discipline myself to read and write. Good, it is a good start.