Impression of Mine

A present

2008-12-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Oogway said in Kung Fu Panda "You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I am going to do an exercise: to be present in these 5 minutes.

I can feel my breathe, at the same time typing. I can feel the freshness of the air, feeling warm in my body. I feel the lovely birds singing, with the backgroud of cars and train. The sun is shinning beautifully. With the light of hope. The place of where I live has a super quietness and calmness.

My girl comes out from her room. It's time for me to enjoy the precious moment.

A Piece of Calm

2008-10-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't have this feeling of calmness for long time. I haven't have emotional build up for 2 weeks. I am glad that I have the change. I feel like the fear in my mind is not affecting me in a bad way any more. I finally understand who I am as a person and why I behave in such a way. I totally feel myself as a person. As a person of the way I think, the way I love, and the way I contribute to the world. I finally enjoy being me. I start to admire they way I think, the way I act and the ability and talent I have.

I am not calculating in my mind. I am not comparing with others. I start to admire the beauty in other people, even we see it as demerit. I am not judging other people. I see their personalities in a humorous way. I feel fulfilled. I have lesser doubt in my mind. I found that when you don't have doubt in yourself, you have greater chance to achieve and succeed. I made better decision. I feel more joy in my life. It's nice to totally accept yourself and you are not blaming yourself anymore. You accept your own imperfection. I never have that experience before.

May be it is the birthday present for my 31st.

Ennaegram explains all

2008-09-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ennaegram is a theory that human can be divided into 9 types of personality. There are 9 numbers that represent different personalities. Simply saying, the division for 9 personalities base on his/her motivation to do something. For example, 2 is motivated to do something he/she can help others. 9 is motivated to something is to pursue harmony among people.

I have been knowing this theory for a couple of years. I haven't been have a chance to take some of the courses. I finally took a course in the last weekend. I was amazed by the theory itself. It totally explains the person's behaviour, he/she's motivation, he/she's fear, it's facial expression, he/she's eye's contact, he/she's image, he/she's energy level, he/she's positivity or negativity, he/she's tension point, he/she's relax point... This is a very deep and comprehensive knowledge.

What I want to say is that I have been questioning about myself why I behave in a certain ways. Like I will panic when there is some kind of uncertainty. I will be very defensive or living in a fear mood in some circumstances. I always find myself difficult to make decisions. Even I made one, I will doubt myself and think back and forth to double check if it is rightly made. I work best in a team, I can do anything for the team I am in. I am very loyal. I deeply believe in the person with power. I will react emotionally when they change their point of view which I always rely on. I am weak in believing myself and I even suspect my taste or what I like. Sometimes, I am in great anxiety because what I think might happen. I am quite protect myself because I think it's safer. I also like to disagree.

Hm... basically, I am a security seeker, number 6.

I have been pretending to be optimistic for long time. I have been fake to become very courageous with fast action. I have been denied myself to have no fear inside. I have been wanting to prove myself to be valuable by working hard or achieving something. Because inside me, I don't really know what I can rely on. The greatest harm is that I have been thinking I am a person with no ability and I don't even believe in myself.

Of course, I also see the beautiful part of myself. I am good in thinking. If I don't doubt myself, I can act quickly and without selfishness. I can think deep and wide and I am good in finding relationship between very complicated things. I am eager to learn and work hard for my team. I care for other people. I care for the world. I prepare for opportunities and challenges. I see risks in my and other people life. I equip myself for the risks I foresee. I always find solutions. I am optimistic for the challenges or problems arise. I pursue true ecstasy and I am willing to learn and pay a price for it.

This time, I take my courage to really see the dark side of myself. I know that my own dread and emotion has affected my family. I am now announcing that I am committed and signed a contract with myself to believe in myself. That is the deal.

I found that life becomes much easier. Everything becomes very smooth. It doesn't take me long time to complete a task because I know for myself, if I don't doubt myself, I can work effectively. Relationship becomes more lovingly. We can make jokes on the funny part of our personality. I found that the best way to love someone is to let him/her to become truly her/him. I become truly part of myself. I made smarter decision. I also found when I become more genuine, because children are very sensitive to feelings, they are happier and it's easier for me to do parenting. I have been reading a lot of book to increase the effectiveness of myself. The solutions come back to you. Everything become simple when you just need to find your real you and act as who you are. Ennaegram is a great tool and it explains all.

A Punishment

2008-09-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

When you want to change for better, and changes take effort, it may not be easy, what are the best ways to change for you? I know sometimes even you think you work your hardest way, but you still feel you are vulnerable to change. Some people want to eat less or do more exercises. Some people want to quit smoking or may be just watch less TV. So what is the most effective way to adapt change in our lives?

I don't know about you. For me, I am always motivated by fear or danger. I do this or that because of not letting something bad happens to me. I don't do this or that because I would stay away from the undesired consequences. There are many reasons for people to transform. But basically, if reasons are strong enough to move away or move towards something, the chances are high that you are going to change.

So I set up some penalty for myself for not being nice to my husband. I want to change it for long time. I found that I am quite impotent to make a shift. I tried a lot of things. I tried to change my frames and thinking and found a lot of reasons to suport myself to make a transform. One time, I felt desperated and uncontrolled. But I believe, that is my best belief, if I persist to solve any problems, the problems will be solved finally. ( this is my signature move away style!) Of course, all the conscious thinking or awareness are worth doing so you have a better and more concrete base. I know I just need my last step or last thing to fill in, which is a little punishment for doing this again. A one hundred dollar penalty for myself. Ha Ha! It energized me! I feel like I have power in myself or my emotion!

I guess it sounds like crazy to punish myself. Do find something that can propel you. Some people may need rewards. If you do something nice, reward yourself. Make yourself feel good. See a goal to reward yourself to change. Hm... ladies, don't try to buy too much clothes by justifying that you have done a lot! Be careful!

Awareness

2008-08-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

Compared to 5 years ago, I become more aware of what I talk and what other people talk. I can say I am interested in understanding people's communication. I found that is amazing to know more about people's thinking, how they speak, what they speak, their emotions and behaviour. Through this increment of curiosity of human behaviour, I become more sensitive to people's behaviour, especially their emotions. Actually, that not only apply to other people, it applies to my own too. I become more alert to my own feelings when things happen to me or people say things to me.

Is it a good thing or bad thing? I have no clue. On the positive side, I think it is a good thing. To mind my words I used is a good start. Try not to be ambiguous. Say what you mean. I still have to work on it. I still have a lot to improve. It is a funny thing to see how we say things unconsciously, including me. We have no idea what we are talking about or the point we want to clear. We just lead by our old emotional or behavioural patterns. Sometimes we lose logic. Sometimes we turn into too emotional. Sometimes we use words too aggressive.

I remember there were a couple of times I saw two strangers they were arguing with each other because of very little things. In their argument, almost 80% of their words are foul language. I didn't hear any significant meaning in their conversation. But they kept on talking. I guess it is the power of our unconscious mind. Or may be using foul language is a deep cultural things.

Second, I think I pay more attention to the thinking inside my head. This is a big part. Because if we want to change our behaviour, changing the internal me is a must. I have to learn to see failures and rejection as opportunities. I want to improve my awareness and take a better charge of my brain so I can make better daily choices. In the world we live in now, it is floated with information. We get distracted by TV, Internet and other media. If we don't become the captain of our mind boat, someone will try to row your boat and take you to 'the middle of nowhere'.

Third, I set a goal for myself to be an excellent communicator. The most difficult part is to have the flexibility to understand people and know their stand point, keep my own belief and try to find the equivalent ideas we share. Not to take other people opinions personally. To maintain an openness to the fact that all people are different and people have different ideas on things are also challenging. My aim is to find opportunities to reach people potential and create values for people. This prompt me to think of the Beijing Olympic slogan of 2008 as "One World One dream".

Do and Don't with spouse

2008-08-10T16:34:00.000-07:00

I just want to learn from lessons and be a better wife.

Have a loving and thankful attitude
Sometimes we become defensive after we got married for a period of time. We forgot to support and love our spouse.

Actually if you are 'above', you can do the 'below' very easily. Everything starts from the 'being'.

Prevent negative words
We always say negative words with our spouse as we know they will take whatever we say. We take it for granted.

Prevent unsolved issue and reprehend previous incident
Communicate and solve the problem at the time when it happens.

Listen
Listen with heart but not only the ears. We think we know our spouse so well that we don't let them to talk or we just use our presumption to try to deviate their meanings.

More thank you and praise

Don't try to have a conclusion for who is right or wrong in a discussion
Sometimes we let the ego of ourselves to take control. May be we care about how our spouse see us. Be open in a discussion. Don't try to find who is right or wrong.

Don't take your spouse words personally
Sometime your spouse express opinions on other things, we take it personally. We think he/she is blaming us. Don't take it personally. They just want to say something.

Don't be too sensitive.

Empower him/her when he/she is doing something for you/family
Give him/her initial instrustion and let him/her do it. Don't try to judge how he/she does it. Let go. Let them use "their" method of doing it instead of using "your" method. Let them learn by themselves. You help only when he/she asks for.

Think of what he/she sacrifices but not only what you sacrifice for the family

Control your emotion
If you are out of control, go away immediately.

Don't let the concern or fear stop you from enjoying "this" moment
We always have a lot of concern or fear in our mind. May be we worry about the things we have to do. Remember we live for enjoying the moment. I am not saying we don't have plan for our future. But when we are having family time, try to leave the worries behind.

Say it soft
Say it soft when you want to oppose.

Acknowledge he/she has done his/her best
We always want to be recognized that we have tried our best.

Don't ask what he/she wants if you don't want things go his/her ways, ha ha

Don't try to please everyone in the family
Do things for everyone's good and love but not to 'please' them.

More and more...

I am glad that I have the chance to learn.

What are we doing for the next generation?

2008-08-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

That is a very good question.

In the last couple of days, my mother has been depressed. She carried a lot of emotional luggage about family in her back. It's like a huge knot you can't help solving it. But I guess, as a daughter, I would only support her.

This reminds me a zen story. Once upon a time, there were two Buddhist monks. One was old and one was young. They were walking to another city. The two monks came across a young lady who could not swim but wanted to go across the river. The old monk carried the lady across the river. The action of the old monk puzzled the young monk. On the way, the young monk kept on thinking why the old monk carried the lady as they were monk. Finally, they young monk could not resist to ask the old monk why. The old monk told him,'I have already put down the lady for long time, why can't you put it down?'

I remembered a friend who said,"Being a parent is so difficult, as we have to be truly happy in order to 'impose' happiness to our next generation."

How can we be truly happy as we always carry the emotional luggage? How can we have hope in the future which the children need most?

I know, when we grow with age, we have a lot of presumption and emotional leftover. I just think that as a human beings, we can not really know what is true or false. The only thing we can be sure is that what can make me happy. Life is so short. I think life has a reason for everything. The reason to live is to become happy. Happiness is the greatest component in all areas. We should find ways to become happy by helping people, using our potential, helping the poor, change the world in a better place, being a good person, doing exercises, having fun... Of course sometimes we will face obstacles. But if the difficulties bring you to a better place. Don't give up. Never give up to fight for happiness.

Anthony Robins said, 'Nothing has a power on you unless you give them.'

So now you have a choice and this is a choice for the next generation, you can either give the power to open the door of sadness or give the power to open the door of happiness. I choose the latter.

The Power to Act

2008-06-26T16:35:00.000-07:00

After I moved to the out of town city Shatin, I guess I am quite bored. May be the bad mood is because of the bad weather in Hong Kong. It has been raining heavily all days. I feel like blaming people in my mind and easily get annoyed by my children. I ask myself what's happened to me?

I feel like quite disconnected from other people. I feel like not performing the best part of who I am. I feel like I can do better. I feel like I can try more possibilities. I feel like I can't control my life at all. I feel like letting the environment to take control of my life. I feel like I can't act with initiative. I feel like I want more from my life and I can contribute more and use more of my talent. There are two side of my minds: one side says,'Oh! you wait until your children goes to school then you can do more.' The other side of my mind says,'I can always find possibilities! There are always been ways.' The two sides of my voice keep fighting with each other.

Basically, sometimes, I let the fear to beat myself. I let the unnecessary doubt to beat myself not to act. I think being a mother, just like life after school, no one will tell you what to do anymore. There is no boss like your job. They will scold you if you are wrong. Oh, you will get bonus if you do extra good. No one is watching you. But being a good mother, you need a concrete and values-aligned compass for yourself to do your job. You have to be extremely proactive. You have to have stronger faith and belief in yourself. You have to have all the energy and perform physical strength to act so you won't loss in the forest. You have to be a leader.

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." by W. Somerset Maugham

I tell myself I am not satisfied with the status quo. I should challenge myself to do more and become more. I am happy that I have been doing pilates for last week. I have been calling people to show my care about them. Also, I start to keep things organised with a daily. Of course, most importantly, I discipline myself to read and write. Good, it is a good start.

Love as a Lubricant

2008-04-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

I see lots of stress in work place. People complain high pressure in their job. There are conflicts, misunderstanding and lack of communication between colleagues. People are so result-oriented. They focus on the outcome but neglect the human factor. Of course, there are exceptions. I do see people enjoy their job and working environment. But with growing responsibilities, we have higher strain in our work when we climb higher in the career ladder.

We really need some love, from our family or friends. Their unconditional love acts as a cushion to relieve some of our tension mainly mentally and emotionally. They give you enormous support without asking return. It is like that when you just had a marathon, you legs become cramped, and you are back home and the love performs as a massage chair to comfort you. Sometimes there really have someone to do massage for you! I guess love just adds meaning and purpose to life. I always believe each person live for a reason.

But some people will ask, what about if I don't have love from anyone or I don't have anyone I love? Then we have to give more love to people, someone who are willing to receive your love, as the old saying, what we give is equal to what we get. We always misinterpret love as a feeling. Some people say I don't have a feeling for you so I don't love you. But if the feeling comes back, then that means I feel deep in you. Actually love is a verb. It represent by its action. It is a decision. Just as T Harv Eker said, 'where ever you focus is, it expands'.

Also, we should train our love receiving muscles. Normally, we are not very good at accepting love, present or praise from others. How many times do we say negative thing about ourself when we get compliment from others? So next time when there are people who send you a gift, say thank you loudly to them, give them a hug and eagerly welcome their offer. You are opening your door with more love.

The Story of Running

2008-04-01T01:23:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful sunny day. A girl was preparing long jump for the intra school sports day in the field. The sports teacher said something that the girl would never forget. He has told her that she would never do good in long jump as she ran so slow. The girl unconsciously kept those words in mind.

Five years later, she studied high school in another school. She was picked by the sports teacher to join the athletic team and ran for 100 meters. She was thankful for the trust from the sports teacher in herself and worked very hard. After a year of training, she became one of the best runners in the school and represented the school for competition. She was the only one who could get in the final in inter school competition.

The girl trained hard to become one of the best athletes in the world. From day to day, from sunshine to rain, she persisted her training for 5 hours per day. Sometimes, when she thought about the comment of her being a slow runner, she even worked harder. All the work she has done come to a harvest. She became the best runner in her country and won a bronze medal in the Olympics.

Oh no, she did not go to the Olympics. She didn't train to become a best runner in her country. But, she did get in to the final of inter school competition. She finished her high school, get into university and find a decent job...

This girl's story just reminds me the line from the movie, the Pursuit of Happiness (acted by Will Smith and his son). It happened when the son told his father that he wanted to become a basketball player and the father said to him that he can't become one as he is too short.

Father: Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
Son: All right.
Father: You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

So, will you bounce or hold back in face of others opinions?

This Time

2008-03-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

I am a person with doubts and doubts kill actions. I guess it is always easy to find excuses not to write, not to do what I pursue, especially when life is comfortable. I should not give too much pressure for myself, huh?

This time, I told myself, I want to write. No matter how "blink" my mind is. When we encounter doubts, most of the time, we freeze ourself not to move forward. But this time, I won't let the voice in my head to beat me. I choose to take action no matter what.

It happens to life. We let fear, doubt and inconvenience to take control over us. Those are non-supportive message from our brain, not truly from us. Either the mind control me or me control the mind and this time I am going to stay in control of my mind.

Language to Speak to Children

2008-03-12T01:55:00.000-07:00

When Ching Lam was born, I started to talk to her in English. Then we came back to Hong Kong for good. I hesitated.

It is kind of weired as everyone around you is speaking Chinese. Also, for me, my mother tongue is Chinese, of course I feel more comfortable and natural to speak in Chinese. I need to pay extra effort in order to communicate in English. Then, the nurses keep telling me we should speak to her in one language before starting another.

All these hindered me from talking to her in English. I am lucky that I made a decision to keep on going. I learn something from this incident.

She can pick up two languages easily.
I have a girlfriend who has a son with similar age with Ching Lam. Her husband is American. She talks to her son in Chinese and her husband speak in English (for sure!). She has worried that her son can't understand her husband parents' English when they visit them. But the result is that her son has totally no problem in communicating in English.

We should set high standard and believe that they can do it.
We should "impose" expectation to our children. We have to believe and trust that they can do it. Actually children will behave as what we expect. Our belief builds up their confident. This reminds me a boss when I worked in Canada. He has a daughter who was diagnosed that she can't run when she was very little. He didn't tell her the truth as she grows. He didn't even believe that and treated his child as normal. In final, her daughter can run. So sometimes we have to ridiculously believe what human being can do to achieve more.

Have confident in yourself
Sometimes it is not about that we don't have belief in our children. But we lose confident in ourselves. I guess it is the fear of failure, which is extremely powerful. We have to know 80% of what we are afraid of does not really happen (count it!). We tend to find evidents of telling us what we can't do instead of what we can do, so as to do less. As a parent, we are the one who know our children the best but not other experts. So stay firm and preserve.

Johnny and the Sprites - Walk Through the Portal

2008-03-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

From the Johnny and the Sprites episode, "Root of Passage". The Sprite Root goes through the portal alone for the first time while Johnny waits for him on the other side. Johnny encourages Root to go through the portal by singing him a song.

I really like the song and its lyrics.

"Walk through the portal keep on you'll come through it
Don't be too frightened, relax cause you can do it
You'll find you have courage like you never ever know
When you come through the portal on your own

I am out here waiting a pal who won't ignore you
Roots you are winner and we are rooting for you
It's so short the distance till you find your way to me
Once you move through the portal there I'll be

Bravery is all that you'll be needed
And sure it's nice when friends can help you through
But sometimes have to find you have succeeded it's knowing it what really up to you
Stay through at path the portal you'll learn what you are made of
Just for the moment forget what you're afraid of
There's nothing to stop you, now the post is crystal clear
Time to pass through the portal
Pass through the portal, pass through the portal and you're here"

Point of Frustration

2008-03-02T20:12:00.000-08:00

When the emotion of frustration try to sneak in...

We tend to blame other easily.

We always count what we have done for others but not what others have done for us. We always see what we have sacrificed for others but not what others have sacrificed for us. Don't try to hurt the person, I mean verbally, on the scene of emotional outburst. They are normally the unlucky one. They probably have nothing to do with the causes of your upset. Because most of time we carry our negativity for some time until we no longer can tolerate it, then it explodes, and the worst thing is that we always only have the courage to express it to someone we trust and love. You don't want to hurt them, right?

It always comes with anger.

Calm down by intentionally talking slow and soft. You can try to laugh in a very ridiculous way. Do some funny face so as to relax your muscles. Take a deep breath. Walk away from the scene until you become calm. Take a break and do some exercise. Have a nice walk in a park.

Ask: have you set an unrealistic expectation?

We always want things falseness. But we have to understand no one is perfect. No matter how thoughtful the plan we have, how smart we are, there will be mistakes made or the things we can't control. Move on. Have a realistic expectation. Don't get me wrong. I admire the people who pursue excellence. I just want to say get a balance between realistic expectation and perfection. Work hard to change the thing we can control but not the thing we can't control.

Recognize the reality.

Think about the questions. What is really important? What is really happening? Ask good advice from the wisest man you know. As a human being, we have to get wiser in order to face the increasing challenges and responsibilities. Feed your brain by reading good books. Refresh your brain by taking seminars. Practice thinking. Take a new path to work. Try something new. All these will change your dynamics. Remember, if you want to change the situation, change your attitude, your way to see the same situation changes.

Understand there is a price tag for everything.

Don't negotiate with the price. Try not to complain. In an economic driven world, we always talk about the fruit, but not what we need to put in. People always see short term but neglect that if we need to plant a tree, it takes resources and time. Know that everything comes with a package.

Don't pile up your feelings.

We always want to be nice and not tell what we don't like, when we are unhappy and need help. We keep all the feelings ourselves. Express your feeling upfront and learn to say it nicely. I mean SAY it. Avoid judgment of the person when you tell your feelings. Ask for support.

Always take the easy path

2008-02-21T05:29:00.000-08:00

Life is hard. Who don't want an easy path? Not only we want easy path unconsciously, we are trained and educated to go for the easy path. The commercials tell how easy it is to win a prize and money; to lose weight; to get a free gift by just applying credit card... Also the community now is so result-oriented. If you are a sale, I guess you are fired if you can't close a sale in one month. Students are pushed to get A in paper exam in order to squeeze in the University.

Why do I say something like that? Because an incident happened to me...

A beautiful afternoon, me, my 2 years old daughter Ching Lam, my 4 months baby and my mother went for a walk to the park. Just after we left our home, Lam started to cry as she wanted to sit on his brother stroller. As she knew she can't sit on the stroller, she started to turn on me and cry for holding her. I was quite annoyed by her persistent crying. At that moment, I just wanted to shut her mouth up by holding her. At the time I tried to hold Lam, my mother told me not to do that as she could walk by herself. I thought my mother was right and I was lucky to be open enough to listen to her advice. My mother suggested us to back home if she keep crying.

It has been a struggle for me at that time because the least thing I wanted to do is to go home as it was a very beautiful day and I just wanted to enjoy the sunshine. I tried to stood on the street hoping Lam's emotion would go away. After ten minutes, she was still crying and people was staring at us like a group of monsters. I tried to make some steps to the park. After another ten minutes, we arrived the park, she stopped crying as we started looking the scene in the park. We pointed to the honey bees, flowers and birds. We played slide and swing. We ended up having a lot of giggles. On the way back home, Lam even gave a hand to push her brother's stroller. We did enjoy the wonderful afternoon.

Thinking about this incident, I was the one who want to take the easy path as I just wanted to shut my girl's mouth by holding her. It is always easy to just hold her. I was lucky that I had my mom to remind me.

As a parent, I guess sometimes we have to have the persistence and clear mind to stand on something right but remain flexible. I know it takes tremendous amount of patience and work. But it worths in the long run.

My Investment Principles

2008-02-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

I am totally not an expert on investment. I do invest. I set some rules for myself to invest. Please make sure you understand point 10.

Basic principle: don't lose money.
Point number one.
If you buy a stock low enough, then you are pretty much safe and you feel more secured.
Don't try to have every stocks. Pick a couple of great stocks.
Stay away from greed and fear.
Don't over borrow $.
Look for dividend and earning potential of a company.
Set financial goals before you invest.
Don't pick a stock by only relying on those "experts" opinions.
Your friends' opinions are just "reference".
Never think you are or there is anyone in the world would predict short term stock price.
Use your own brain to make decision.
Keep learning while you invest.
Never quit your job to make investment your full time.

Mother Syndrome

2008-01-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

When you don't take care of yourself but your children, you get crazy.

When you are too stuck in your family work, you get crazy.

When you life become too routine, you get crazy.

When you smaller your social network, you get crazy.

When you have no plan for yourself, you get crazy.

When you have no time for yourself, you get crazy.

When you strive for perfectness for family work, you get crazy.

When you don't exercise, you get crazy.

I saw a doctor for above syndrome. The doctor has said I was not infected with any diseases and didn't need any pills for them. He has suggested me to just relax and do some shoppings. I followed doctor's prescription and it really worked!

Thoughts from Skip Ross

2007-06-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

These are some notes from a seminar of Skip Ross.

1. Everything we do we do because it will make us happy.

2. 99.99% of what we do we do because of habits.
-> The greatest enemy of old habit is new habit.
-> Be honest to what you're doing and think about why.
-> Habits become habits because of repetition.

3. The secret of success lies in your daily routine.

4. To change our life for better, we must enage in new decision. Because we have to change our habit which they do not change easily, we have to make new decision.
-> I am responsible to change our habits.
-> Whatever I give, I will receive.
-> I will until...

5. What life behind us, before us is tiny when we compare what within us.

6. Life has circumstances, they come in, people wait to see what happen about the circumstances to decide if we are happy about it or not. When we wait, we let the circumstances to control our life.

7. When we invite people to have a better life, we have to help equip them.

8. Your past is extensive preparation for your dream.

Emotion

2007-06-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a blog for long time. I am glad to pick it up again. There are so much changes in my life. I am pregnant again. Sometimes I ask myself that if it is the thing I want to do. Luckily the answer comes from that question is yes. There is so much fun for raising a kid. I love it a lot.

I guess sometimes it is so tiring as I have to take care of a 17 months baby during the pregnancy. Sometimes I have emotion. I become very insured. I know it makes sense to be insured when there are so much changes in life. It just takes time to get used to it.

Sometimes my emotion comes from some leftover issues in life. When it happens, my emotion grows so big on little thing.

It's good to release emotion whether it is happiness or sadness. But make sure you ask yourself what the reality is.

The worst thing about being too emotional is that I am helping Mr Fear to get stronger and stronger which is way beyond reality. I become victimized. I start to blame people around me, of course most of the time are the people who care about or help me.

So, what is the solution? Take responsibility even to your emotion.

- Think about if you have project other bad experience. Most of the time, the emotion comes from accumulated bad experience (may from different person) but not a single incident.

- Honestly think about what have happened and why.

- Remember 80% of what we fear WILL NOT happen in future.

- Express your feelings to someone you trust without pointing fingers to other.

Men and Women

2006-09-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

"Why Men don't listen and Women can't read map" by Allan and Barbara Pease

Men and women are just two different creatures. Their brain are different. Their body are different. They are just very different. Some people may even doubt that why they consider living together.

When men are under stress, they want to be quiet and have sex.
When women are under stress, they want to talk and go shopping.

Men are great in spatial thinking, like they are good in directions.
Women are sensitive to surrounding environment, as they are good in listening and talking.

When men say, they mean it.
When women say, they mean something else.

Men want to have sex before anything.
Women want to feel loved before sex.

Men can only do one thing at a time. When men are reading, they can't listen.
Women can multi-task. They can talk on the phone and watch the TV and cook at the same time.

Men want power, prestige and career.
Women want love, relationship and safe.

Men only want to be touched by one part of the body.
Women want to be touched by every part of the body.

When men listen, they want to fix something.
When women are talking, they want to be listened but not to be fixed.

Above is because of the level of hormones, connection of the left and right brain, the function of their brains... too complicated...

Things ain't complicated

2006-08-31T15:20:00.000-07:00

Things are not that complicated. We always want to complicate things. Life is about to find reasons for everything happens. But sometimes, it just happens. May be just because of your hormone. It sounds silly but it is just the way the chemicals control our mood. We do have a choice. But sometimes we are unconscious.

We are so tiny. I mean human.

If I would super enjoy myself, then I should super enjoy myself.
If I would super influence people, then I should super influence people.
If I would fly, then I should fly.

Attitude Problem

2006-08-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

I think I have an attitude problem. Especially to my loved one. Someone I take it for granted. I think I am too defensive to opinions. This due to some of the following reasons.

It always comes to not enough confident. We always are in competition. We compare our jobs, our power, our IQ... We also compare our children's talent, skills... Anything you can think of. Is it sad we always define our value by using the ruler to measure and compare with others? We are in a society of competition. We always want to win. We always be result oriented. What's the point? Aren't our values are measured by who we are as a person?

Are we always have to be either right or wrong? It just likes we are counting the losses and the wins all the time. Can we understand each other and try to find something in common? Can we really be open and listen to differences? Sometime we are so afraid to be wrong or take risks and we lose tons of opportunities to express ourselves, our love to someone, stand up for our values and belief. Moreover, we become defensive when we listen to opinions as we always want to be the one who is right. The funniest thing is that we won't let other people win! The only person to win is ME!

There is attitude problem when we are in inertia. I always want to code the Isaac Newton's First Law of Motion:

"Every body perseveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight ahead, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by forces impressed."

Are we strong enough to embrace changes? Do we really need a push to change? Ha Ha. Sometime, we are just so used to be comfortable in these world. We don't take initiative enough and give some burst to new actions. We like stuck in a bed of sand and don't want to move even we see the world is changing and moving. The saddest part is that we pretend we don't know.

It reminds me the lyric from a song of Dixie Chicks "Landslide"

"Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life"

May be I just have to remind myself that I should be grateful of what I have and who I am. Embrace it.

He/She Wants

2006-08-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

"I want to be healthy."
"I want to be beautiful."
"I want to look fit."
"I want to have money."
"I want to travel the world."
"I want to have children."
"I want my children happy."
"I want my children smart."
"I want my children healthy."
"I want to have friends."
"I want to be happy."
"I want to be respected."
"I want to have good shape."
"I want to have some good music."
"I want to be stand out in the crowd."
"I want to be watched."
"I want to be noticed."
"I want to be right."
"I want to be significant."
"I want to be loved."
"I want to be supported."
"I want to be understood."
"I want comfort."
"I want to help people."
"I want to play."
"I want to have fun."
"I want to be hilarious."
"I want to dance."
"I want to have opportunity."
"I want to learn."
"I want to be fairly treated."
"I want to relax."
"I want to be knowledgeable."
"I want to have good skin."
"I want to have thick hair."
"I want to love."

Reality

2006-08-16T15:13:00.000-07:00

I can say I am an ideologist. I love to be optimistic but sometimes I hate it. Because sometimes I let the good future vision delude my understanding of situation. That hampers me from making good decision.

The hardest thing to do is to face the brutal facts with clarity in adverse situation but at the same time keep the optimist faith in future.

Something I have to remind myself about reality thinking:
1. Do look for the data as much as you can.
2. See actions but not speak.
3. Don't avoid facts.
4. Welcome differences.

Opinions

2006-08-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

In this informative era, there are so much information. From web, TV, books, radio, magazines... I can just say that there are too much. Not only this, people make tons of comments about anything.

So if someone makes comment on what you are doing, will you take it seriously? What are the values of these comments? I think most of them have not much values.

The thing is no one knows better than yourself. No one can judge you or tell you what you should do. Not because they are wrong, but because they don't really know who you are and what you want. Only you know your own values.

One thing I have to note:

1. My value is only determined by myself but not other opinions.

Hm...There is another tough question. Do you really know who you are and what you want?

Focus

2006-08-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

When I think of focus, I think of an example of a beam of light pass through a lens and focus to a point to ignite something.

I am not a very focus person. In work, I always want to jump from one method to another. That makes me miss the most important thing: to get the things done quickly or to get the right things done. When I am working on something, my mind is already on something new or the things I have to do later. That way of thinking always distracts me from focusing on what is important in life.

I totally have to learn this skill in my life. I know life can be stopped at any time. Life doesn't like a basketball or football game. You don't know when the refuree will stop the game. That is a part of the game. I should be more focus on how I play this game.

I guess life is not just working and providing the resources that our body needs. I think life has a meaning. Otherwise, why ain't we animals?

The one thing about focus NOT-TO-FORGET:

Reflect, set priority and follow through

P.S.: there is one exception, when I am watching movie, I am totally focus. I am so attracted to the screen of TV and the dramatic part of the movie. May be that's why I like movie so much. No, I mean great movie.

5 Things I've to Remember

2006-08-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

Five things I have to remember:

Your value doesn't depend on other people opinion or views but who you are as a person.
Be authentic, say what you need.
Be motivated by joy but not fear.
If you get enough of what other people want, you will get what you want.
Reflect, set priority and follow through

My girl is a model!

2006-08-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Book Review - Killing the Sale by Todd Duncan

2006-08-03T16:07:00.000-07:00

This book talks about 10 fatal mistakes most sales do. I believe that most sales people make mistakes because they don't really know that they are making mistakes.

For instance, most sales people believe that selling is a number's game. But in fact, it's not! The more sales plan you show doesn't mean the better and the more the sales you can get. In the book, it talks about that it is even more important to build good customer relationship than finding new clients. I had the same experience though. I remember I worked for a sales job and my supervisor taught me that it is a number's game. At that time, I totally believe in it. I was wrong. At that time, I thought when I worked harder then I get better result. So whenever I couldn't achieve the expected result, I blame myself for not working hard enough. I blamed myself that I had seen a movie in the weekend. I didn't even look at what I had done wrong or what I had to improve or change. As a result, most sales people are exhausted as they don't have their own life and they quit their sales job.

Some mistakes I made in sales:

I don't ask for order.
I don't prospect right people.
I spend too much time on suspect.
I didn't let go of the wrong people.
I don't have a sales strategy.
I don't do enough advertisement for myself.
I don't position myself correctly.
I don't follow through.
I don't work consistenly.
I don't use tools enough to help me.
I don't ask the right and important questions first.
I don't use my brain to think and reflect.

In concludion, I think I just have to be a better person and better decision maker to become a better sales person.

Life in Seattle

2006-07-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, life is just too boring. May be I'm a city girl so I am so not used to do nothing special. I always want to do something, looking for something to achieve. But I get bored easily. Why? Because I wouldn't find something that's fit into my heart? I think so. Or maybe I lose my discipline for such a long time. Discipline creates momentum and confident. I can say human can't be content. I don't know if you have a dream buying list. I can tell you, even you get all your list, that totally doesn't mean that you are fulfilled. God creates life have a reason. Not only because of survival, for more significant reasons. I can say that it is for courage, love, faith, scarfice, persistence, passion, challenges, discipline... Doesn't human beings show these values? For sure. It seems like only aticulating these values would allow people to fulfill in life.Some people may ask, isn't that people achievement or fulfillment is measured by what they have done? I may say there may have some relationship. But not exactly. I will ask you. If you do the same difficult tasks again and again for ten years, the job become not difficult any more, do you feel fulfilled in your heart? I doubt.So, what do I want after giving birth to a baby. Any news? The thing is that I don't know. It seems like I let the baby and the environment to control my life in the past year. After the baby was born, we moved to Seattle until mid September, then I have to travel back to Toronto, stay a couple of days, then I have to move to Budapest (Hungary) until early December. Oh God! Actually I hate this. I think that waste a lot of time. Crazy! But my husband wants me the baby to stay with him. Am I willing to do this? Am I going to complain about the boredom and work? I hope not.Again, what do you want? Do I want a more challenger life? Do I want a life with significant? Do I want a life of influence? Yes, I do. If you want to be that kind of person, I am now declare I am a person of continous learning, not wasting any time, grateful, disciplined, happy and healthy.

Song Review - Traveling Soldiers by Dixie Chicks

2006-07-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

The lyrics are great story teller. The story starts with a guy who just past 18 years old is going to the army green. It seems that his family doesn't care about him. He even ask a girl he just met in cafeteria whether he can send her letter as he has no one to send to. The pretty girl waits for him as he is in war. One day she found out that he was dead in Vietnam War. She was desparated. It is a very sad story. It is so true and I think it really happens. I think Chicks wanted to say that they are so against war. It is a sad song, good melody though.

First Timer

2006-07-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hey, I am the first time blogger. I am excited about it. Hope to have more to post.