Ennaegram explains all

Ennaegram is a theory that human can be divided into 9 types of personality. There are 9 numbers that represent different personalities. Simply saying, the division for 9 personalities base on his/her motivation to do something. For example, 2 is motivated to do something he/she can help others. 9 is motivated to something is to pursue harmony among people.

I have been knowing this theory for a couple of years. I haven't been have a chance to take some of the courses. I finally took a course in the last weekend. I was amazed by the theory itself. It totally explains the person's behaviour, he/she's motivation, he/she's fear, it's facial expression, he/she's eye's contact, he/she's image, he/she's energy level, he/she's positivity or negativity, he/she's tension point, he/she's relax point... This is a very deep and comprehensive knowledge.

What I want to say is that I have been questioning about myself why I behave in a certain ways. Like I will panic when there is some kind of uncertainty. I will be very defensive or living in a fear mood in some circumstances. I always find myself difficult to make decisions. Even I made one, I will doubt myself and think back and forth to double check if it is rightly made. I work best in a team, I can do anything for the team I am in. I am very loyal. I deeply believe in the person with power. I will react emotionally when they change their point of view which I always rely on. I am weak in believing myself and I even suspect my taste or what I like. Sometimes, I am in great anxiety because what I think might happen. I am quite protect myself because I think it's safer. I also like to disagree.

Hm... basically, I am a security seeker, number 6.

I have been pretending to be optimistic for long time. I have been fake to become very courageous with fast action. I have been denied myself to have no fear inside. I have been wanting to prove myself to be valuable by working hard or achieving something. Because inside me, I don't really know what I can rely on. The greatest harm is that I have been thinking I am a person with no ability and I don't even believe in myself.

Of course, I also see the beautiful part of myself. I am good in thinking. If I don't doubt myself, I can act quickly and without selfishness. I can think deep and wide and I am good in finding relationship between very complicated things. I am eager to learn and work hard for my team. I care for other people. I care for the world. I prepare for opportunities and challenges. I see risks in my and other people life. I equip myself for the risks I foresee. I always find solutions. I am optimistic for the challenges or problems arise. I pursue true ecstasy and I am willing to learn and pay a price for it.

This time, I take my courage to really see the dark side of myself. I know that my own dread and emotion has affected my family. I am now announcing that I am committed and signed a contract with myself to believe in myself. That is the deal.

I found that life becomes much easier. Everything becomes very smooth. It doesn't take me long time to complete a task because I know for myself, if I don't doubt myself, I can work effectively. Relationship becomes more lovingly. We can make jokes on the funny part of our personality. I found that the best way to love someone is to let him/her to become truly her/him. I become truly part of myself. I made smarter decision. I also found when I become more genuine, because children are very sensitive to feelings, they are happier and it's easier for me to do parenting. I have been reading a lot of book to increase the effectiveness of myself. The solutions come back to you. Everything become simple when you just need to find your real you and act as who you are. Ennaegram is a great tool and it explains all.

A Punishment

When you want to change for better, and changes take effort, it may not be easy, what are the best ways to change for you? I know sometimes even you think you work your hardest way, but you still feel you are vulnerable to change. Some people want to eat less or do more exercises. Some people want to quit smoking or may be just watch less TV. So what is the most effective way to adapt change in our lives?

I don't know about you. For me, I am always motivated by fear or danger. I do this or that because of not letting something bad happens to me. I don't do this or that because I would stay away from the undesired consequences. There are many reasons for people to transform. But basically, if reasons are strong enough to move away or move towards something, the chances are high that you are going to change.

So I set up some penalty for myself for not being nice to my husband. I want to change it for long time. I found that I am quite impotent to make a shift. I tried a lot of things. I tried to change my frames and thinking and found a lot of reasons to suport myself to make a transform. One time, I felt desperated and uncontrolled. But I believe, that is my best belief, if I persist to solve any problems, the problems will be solved finally. ( this is my signature move away style!) Of course, all the conscious thinking or awareness are worth doing so you have a better and more concrete base. I know I just need my last step or last thing to fill in, which is a little punishment for doing this again. A one hundred dollar penalty for myself. Ha Ha! It energized me! I feel like I have power in myself or my emotion!

I guess it sounds like crazy to punish myself. Do find something that can propel you. Some people may need rewards. If you do something nice, reward yourself. Make yourself feel good. See a goal to reward yourself to change. Hm... ladies, don't try to buy too much clothes by justifying that you have done a lot! Be careful!